Heart 8

I had acupuncture yesterday.  The diagnosis was Liver Chi deficiency.  Based on the acupuncturist's guess at my physical symptoms, that was an accurate finding.  During the consultation, the fact of the recent divorce came out. (Question: "How do you feel about the weight you are at right now?" Answer: convuluted expression of overall discomfort ending with revelation that I have lost a lot of weight very rapidly due to emotional stress.)

Before I got on the table, the acupuncturist pointed to a spot on her palm, just below her pinkie finger.  "This is Heart 8," she said, "Normally, I try to avoid this point, but I think you need it." It didn't occur to me to worry.

Once I was on the table, she put needles in several points on my ears, scalp, feet and ankles.  I felt a mildly unpleasant electric warmth when she needled my third eye point, and thought that would be the most intense.  Finally, she went to Heart 8.

When she inserted the needle, I cried out.  The pain was exquisite, both mild and unbearable.  Immediately, without any control, I started to weep.  Even thinking about it now, I'm starting to tear up.  It was as if the needle went not to a point on the heart meridian, but directly into my physical and emotional heart.  As loud, wracking sobs gradually calmed to silent tears, the sharp pain calmed to a dull ache.  Eventually, I was able to focus on the flow of energy from head to feet, as she had directed me before leaving the room.

I thought I was strong.  I thought I was well.  Mostly, though, I thought I was healed enough that nothing would break open again.  Today, there is still a small bruise on my palm, right over Heart 8.  It reminds me that I am starting to take care of myself, just myself.  It reminds me that strong and stoic are not the same thing.