Why do men think women want to know what it's like to have a penis? Here's the latest blast of text messages from The Dong, who has just offered to buy me a strap-on:
You like that idea?
You'd be able to pretend you have a cock.
That's naughty.
And I like it.
In case you're counting, that's four separate texts in a row. This is actually subdued for The Dong. (Who earned this name by virtue of his most endearing asset.) If you are getting the idea that I am a bit annoyed by all this, you are correct. The Dong is not a person I would be interested in spending time with if I weren't in the middle of my post-divorce slutty phase. It is only because I am, as my friend said, "penis shopping," that I am even answering him. The Dong is only interested in one thing from me as well, but for him that involves this sort of foolishness.
I'm willing to try the strap-on because, A) I've never done it before, B) I don't have to spend any money or time to get the thing, and C) Post-divorce slutty phase. But I am really not okay with the assumption that I am interested in having a penis. I'm just fine with my lady bits. In fact, I am more fine with them than I ever have been. They are lovely and awesome. Why don't we instead talk about how The Dong can pretend to have a vagina? And while we're at it (or before we're at it,) let's just drop all references to naughty and dirty where two consenting, grown-ass people are involved.
I am finding that there is a whole lot of childishness in the world of fully sexual adults.
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