Practice Log

In a small number of days, I am going to do a completely selfish thing. I am going to travel and spend a week immersed in learning my new creative love from a brilliant teacher. Lately, I have allowed myself to block my creative energy, and I have been focusing on all the fear. Things busted up yesterday, though, as I got reacquainted with writing. I am ready to go dance my fear face off, and my open face on. 

Side bonus -- I am writing poetry again. Here's a little bit from today:

Get up in the morning and dance

like your life depends on it

because it does. 

The quivering soft soul battling night terrors

awakes encased in amber

Corseted tight around the ribs

unable to breathe. 

Get up in the morning and dance. 

Tunnel your hands through to open space

Carve into walls with your hips

Crack the amber

top to bottom 

side to side

until it falls into the microscopic infinite. 

Breath deep to fill the space of you

a pulse, your vibrant metronome, ticks again. 

Get up in the morning 

and dance. 

Your life depends on it. 

Woman Down! Send C*ck!

There are a lot of things I have discovered about myself lately, but perhaps the most fun thing is that I like sex.  Kind of a lot.  I have had an amazing time playing with that knowledge and trying out all the wacky things people do in their 20s -- with the benefit of being in my 40s and generally smarter about taking care of myself.

I've been getting exhausted with play partnering lately, though, and am gradually settling in to looking for something more settled -- with  lots of communication and openness about sex, though.  I'm not willing to compromise on that.  Gradually, my friends-with-benefits are fading away, either through active or passive disengagement.  I'm getting lots more sleep, and I have more energy to focus on "serious" dating prospects.

But it has been a while since sex.  I have gone for (much) longer than this before, but that was when I still had this sense of shame and taboo around the whole thing.  Now that I'm comfortable with it, being without it is much less comfortable.

Another thing I have discovered about myself, though, is that I can be patient about getting what I truly want.  So we wait, watch the snowstorm, write filthy messages in the drifts and watch them get covered up again as the snow continues to fall.